MTM Presents

Circa 1980 I was Mary Tyler Moore. I really was.

I had the big apartment on the 25th floor and my sidekick Rhoda (real name Debbie) had the bachelor 5 floors down. We worked together. We invented our own language. We worried people with our ability to understand everything each other was saying, even though we sounded like 2 lock jawed, jewish manicurists ( you're soaking in it) hosting a talk show about how to throw a truly abysmal dinner party.

We were obsessed with The Mary Tyler Moore Show. We would meet every night at 8 in Rhoda/Debbie's much inferior apartment to watch the episode we knew every line to.
Those lines became the theme to our own delusions of a life lived in Minneapolis.

We even had our own Mr. Grant. His real name was Peter but, for some reason, to us he was known as our Petey. I have no idea how he became our Petey. Perhaps it was because we both lusted after him. He looked like a pre-muslim Cat Stevens but he was as about as bright as a small appliance bulb. We forgave him for his lack of mental agility and rated the dilemmas of the day by the number of hands that our Petey would thrust down his pants. A one hander meant a simple and solveable distraction such as a spider on the window or a hangnail. A two hander could have meant anything from an un-explained crumb in his beard to a bomb in aisle B. Oh but we each had our own romantic fantasies about Petey. In mine I was teaching him the alphabet. In Rhoda/Debbie's he was banging out the wall in her (much inferior) apartment wearing denim overalls and nothing else.........it was the 80's.

The lines from the show became our mantra.

Rhoda/Debbie to Mary on a bad hair day....."Mary, where's your regular hair?"
Mary to everyone when accepting an award.....on a bad hair day....."I usually look much better than this"

Mary to Mr. Grant/Our Petey at an abysmal dinner party....."Mr. Grant you took too much. You have to put some back"

Rhoda/Debbie to Mr. Grant/Our Petey......Mary's dinner parties are always abysmal


The battle for Our Petey was never won. He was deemed most likely to wonder what goes where. But Rhoda/Debbie and I remained un-beatable at TV show theme songs.


Who can turn the world on with her smile ?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile ?
Well it's you girl and you should know it
Each glance and every little movement you show it
Love is all around why don't you take it ?
You can have it all no need to fake it
You're gonna make it after all

Tossing my beret into the air. Catch it Rhoda/Debbie....wherever you are. 

But it was me that Mr. Grant/Our Petey wanted. I had the better apartment.