Shall We Talk of Intent

Ah yes, the "intent" box....the most ponderous and perplexing of the required fields on any given dating site. It doesn't really matter which option we blithely select, for it will be seized, sneered at, prodded and condemned long before the bloodthirsty welcoming committee has sniffed your pheromones and looked up your skirt.

The options are standard and seemingly banal in their simplicity, but nooooooo....evils lurk in the minds of the circling sharks and just as a dog may hear, "Yes, you can have that pork chop" as you are saying " Stay off the sofa", the regulars have bastardized the options into their own equally banal interpretations.

First we have....."Seeking a relationship".  Plenty of Fish,  never one to ignore the opportunity for excess, also offers  "Actively seeking a relationship" and "Seeking someone to marry".  If we take the first,  and least threatening of these options, the notion seems to arise that we could possibly show up for a second date driving a U-Haul. Throw in the adverb of option 2, and it would seem that the aforementioned U-Haul is cruising local avenues with heat seeking sensors and a chilled 6 pack.  As for the marriage option, well one would have to have a complete sense of "romanticide" to even consider this one, since the U-Haul is now required to contain a Lazy Boy for Mom and a complete library of "How To" books relating to the deconstruction of a man cave.

Next we have the option that married people daydream about....."Dating". The enviable life of candlelit dinners, dancing, long walks on moonlit beaches and the constant ringing of our doorbell by FTD. But if the opposite sex are to read malicious intent into something so seemingly rapturous, would it be that we lack the necessary domestic skills to cook for ourselves and embrace as many free meals as possible to avoid potential malnutrition.....or are we simply commitment phobic ? This one is rife with potential pitfalls and should be offered with lengthly disclaimers containing such SEO optimizations as "open to the possibility...." , "if more develops....." and "no friends will call with a fake emergency".

Now here is where it gets fuzzy. Lavalife cuts right to the core and offers the only 3rd option of Intimacy . The orange room where true intentions are exposed along with.....other things. Can't offer much enlightenment on that.
The ever superfluous Plenty of Fish however, gives us 3 further options to consider.
Friends - seems self explanatory enough

Hang Out - given that the minimum age to register is 18, this one puzzles me. It seems to imply shopping mall food courts and watching rom-coms in our pyjamas.

Not Seeking a Relationship or any kind of Commitment - after having tested this one out, it apparently seems to mean that you are readily available for random hook-ups, sexting and typing dirty. My popularity has increased exponentially since this option was utilized and, while the # of Favorites lists I now appear on has elicited a self high 5....I am not offering any of the aforementioned services. Time to change it back to another option.

The question is however..............which one ?